Frustrations and Pain


One morning when I was 18 years old I was trying to pick up my socks from the floor in our bathroom and as I was trying to get back up again, I realized that my back was stuck. I couldn’t move anymore. I felt an excruciating pain in my lower back. So I crawled from the bathroom to the phone in my parent’s bedroom, called my mum, who called my dad who called me, and told me that he will leave work as soon as possible and pick me up to go and see a doctor. I was 18 and I was in school at that time. But it also happened to be the day of one of my important exams. Well, that was not going to happen……

Since that day I always had to be very careful with my lower back. But sometimes it just throws a tantrum and reminds me that my sciatic nerve is quite mean and cruel at times.

I am not good in dealing with pain. It makes me feel frustrated and I don’t want to feel weak. But you know that your body has reached its limit when an 1 hour 15 min car ride and a 5 minute walk wears your back out and your thighs and hamstrings are in muscle spasm.

But I don’t want to be needy. I don’t want to start crying because of my stupid back. I definitely don’t want to ask for help. So instead I am frustrated which makes me feel very discouraged. Dangerous cycle. How to break it, no idea. At the moment I’m just wrestling through.


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