Monthly Archives: June 2010

Summer-dreams

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So that I’ve to look forward to something I’m doing some research at the moment what I could do during my time in Northern Cali and in Texas. Well, Texas will be easy: I’m going to stay with my cousin, her four adorable boys (age 8, double-trouble 4, and small-trouble 2) and her husband. So my time there will be consumed by kids-entertainment like going to the pool, building train-tracks, and alike, some cousin-and-me-time while going shopping or watching movies after the kids are in bed, and maybe some shooting time with her husband. My california trip on the other hand will be more like catching up with a friend, hanging out in coffee shops, going shopping, reading my book(s) on the patio….AND doing some day-trips: there is an exhibition in SFMOMA which sounds fantastic, if you’re into 20th century arts (http://www.sfmoma.org/), and I LOVE their roof-top garden and museum-shop, were you can find the most beautiful journals; I’m so excited to go to Lake Tahoe on the border to Nevada which looks like a paradise, which its beaches and mountains; maybe I’ll get my adrenalin rush at one of Six Flag’s Discovery Park rollercoasters and of course I can’t miss a trip down to the Jelly Bean Factory……

So whenever I need a break, I start looking at all the wonderful possibilities and take them all in, until I smile and say to myself: “Only…..days/weeks.” That’s what keeps me going at the moment.

Big Stop-Sign

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Life is busy, life is stressful for all of us. From time to time we all find ourselves in places of total exhaustion, longing for the hammock on the sunny beach of our dreams. Far, far away from demands, pressure, responsibilities, this one person who keeps annoying us, this one task which has no end, the phone calls we need to make, the long, never-ending to-do-lists… At least I find myself in this place. At the moment I look at my diary for small vacancies of relaxation and they are hard to find or easily taken away from me. Everything is screaming in me: “Enough! You’ve reached your limit!” Limits are human, they are not a weakness, but so often I treat them like they are. I am not ‘Super-Woman’ with magic powers to work all the time on no or little sleep and Red Bull doesn’t give me wings. So, what are my choices? To say ‘no’ and take time for myself is the only real choice I have. I guess everyone has a different capacity on how much they can take. In our workaholic culture to admit that we have limitations and needs is seen as weakness. Maybe that’s the german in me speaking, but that is what I grew up with. At the moment my body and soul hold  up a big Stop-Sign, and as I am still running full speed, I need to hit the brakes hard to stop.

A few days ago I had to tell a friend, that I was not able to help her with the preparation for an important event for her. I hate to admit that I’ve reached a limit and can’t go any further. I expected her to be annoyed at me or frustrated, but instead she bought me flowers and told me that she hopes that I can get some rest soon. I was so surprised, relieved and felt loved and accepted. It reminded me of God’s grace towards me. He is not disappointed in me if I don’t get my to-do-list done, instead he is full of grace and says, “It’s ok. Come take a rest.” My friend did the same for me: The flowers are a symbol for me, that it’s ok to have limits and to be human.